Forest Blakk is a singer songwriter from Canada. The authentic honesty and vulnerability in his writing is underrated. For example, "The most beautiful thought" is him sharing his most personal thoughts and feelings, wrapped up in words, with the sole purpose of being felt by the likes of him. I could relate to it - having a standard in love coz you value yourself enough and deserve your equal (if not, your better half). I also like "Find me", "Fall into me", and the duet he did with Meghan Trainor, "If you love her" - feeling safe is important to me ❤.
AlhamdulilLah (praise is all due to Allah ﷻ) - I got an offer immediately after the interview! I appreciate it that the executive director, whom I will support and work closely with, was impressed with my portfolio (he said I was more than qualified for the job, especially with the strong recommendation letters I had) and liked my demeanour (that I asked important questions, showing that I take this vocation seriously).
I can't wait to get started in June! I have this feeling in my gut that I will encounter a lot of "first experiences" along the way and that excites me. I love the organisation's motto - "Khidmat bil Ihsan*" (Service with excellence*), be in a constant state of God-consciousness. I am just grateful to Allah (ﷻ) for clearing the required medical and security clearance. Mum reminded me I get to work there bi idznilLah (with Allah's permission). With that, wish me luck - bismilLah (in the name of Allah ﷻ)...
Mum and I went to my cousin's for his house warming today. He just bought a condominium - the first home purchase for his family - so I headed over to celebrate this milestone achievement with the extended family (an opportunity to gather with everyone and catch up on things).
On a side note, the property market in Singapore is 'crazy' (and it will get worse)! My cozy 3-bedroom humble abode is already more than half a million when I bought it last year. My cousin's 3-bedroom home is slightly past the 1 million mark!
My cousin used to work at the mortuary (he was even interviewed by the local press)! He is now lecturing at a local university. He just got back from a conference in Germany, learning about the latest technology on embalming! Morbid, I know but it would make for interesting conversations later.
Through conversations, I learn a lot about life and one's character just from the way he/she talks about his/her profession - the struggles, sacrifices, and challenges that comes with the achievements. You've come a long way and I'm proud of you, kid! ❤
The recent news of bereavement brought home the realisation of our fragile existence in this temporal world. When it comes to this fleeting life, we are not guaranteed a tomorrow. Therein lies the motivation to give everything you've got in every moment and cherish (be grateful for) what we have been given (not to take things for granted). Celebrate this gift of life that is so precious. While you still can, live it to the fullest, always accompanied by prayer and with good opinion towards God's decree, so you'll live it peacefully ❤.
To lose a parent is devastating enough (I experienced that with dad's passing); to lose both at the same time was something my heart and mind could not fathom. My heart goes out to my best friend for his deep loss. His parents' love must be so strong that God decided to relieve them of the immense pain (of loss) by returning to Him both at the same time.
Yaz, please take the time to grief but also be at peace that they have lived a long wonderful life, filled with love (and God is sparing them further agony from their illnesses and sufferings on this earth, purifying them before their return to Him). I am here if you need to talk things through. I'll end my post with the song, "I'll stand by you" and an extract of its lyrics ❤.
"Don't be ashamed to cry. Let me see you through cause I've seen the dark side too... So, if you're mad, get mad. Don't hold it all inside. Come on and talk to me now. Hey, what you got to hide? I get angry too. Well, I'm a lot like you... I'll stand by you. Take me into your darkest hour and I'll never desert you. I'll stand by you."
We celebrated Mother's Day at Uncle H's recently. I got the help of my cousin to order a lovely cake for all the mothers who were present. Every day should be a celebration of our beloved mothers coz as they say, "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world". Never underestimate the immense influence of mothers. Ma, I may not say it as often as you'd like me to, but I love you. Thank you for being there, especially during my most vulnerable moments ❤
Filmed around scenic Sapporo, Hokkaido Japan and Húsavík Iceland, the 9-part Netflix series about a first love between Yae Noguchi and Harumichi Namiki stood the test of time. The ending made my heart leapt for joy - they reunited after a tragic separation and got their happy ending after going through much of life's tribulations and traumas. Fate is indeed an enigma (a mysterious thing)! Harumichi said, "This is my treasure - the story of my first love." The series revived the song, "First Love" (1998) by Hikaru Utada, which I love a lot (brought back nostalgia of time capsule, etc). Below is an extract of the lyrics (translated to English). Daisukidesu... ❤
"Just as time (frozen in its tracks) is about to move again, there's only one thing I can't forget. Tomorrow around this time I will surely be crying, thinking of you.You will always be in my heart, there will always be a place only for you. I hope that I have a place in your heart too. Now and forever, you are still the one. Now it is still a sad love song, until I can sing a new love song. You are always gonna be my love, even if I fall in love with someone again someday. I'll remember to love, coz you taught me how."
When mum stays with me, I would sometimes professed that I often feel the pain (throbbing warm sensation) in my gastro-intestinal area that made my sleepless nights uncomfortable. I also lamented if I would live to see Eid next year (and so I wanted to make the best of it this year).
Mum advised me to brush off those negative whispers in my head and told me that for as long as God bestows me the gift of life*, I should remain grateful (make the most of every day), be steadfast in my efforts to heal and continue to trust His Wisdom and Protection. She'll be with me every step of the way. Love you, ma. I'll end this post with the song, "Mirai E" (1998) by Kiroro - face your future and slowly walk on - and *QS al-'Anam 6:17 ❤.
"And if Allah should touch you with adversity, there is no remover of it except Him. And if He touches you with good - then He is, over all things, Competent."
Mum and I could relate when Uncle H and Aunt Sal shared their assessment of their daughter's (my cousin's) potential hubby candidate. Indeed, love is blind and my cousin needs the love of family to protect her welfare (for the long term) and prevent her from being blindsided. The thing with women is that they fall in love so easily and would bend backwards for the one they love (that is their nurturing nature). Mum said it best when she advised my cousin, "Find someone who will love you more because he is more invested and will take care of you - a gentleman will make an honest woman out of you, the right way, with your parents' blessings".
Dear cousin, the feeling of being in love is wonderful isn't it? If he is right for you, Allah will facilitate the process. Trust that He has reserved the best for you. So be patient. And thankful for the unconditional love of your family who wants only the best for you. I'll end my post with the song, "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia and an extract of its lyrics (it is about a woman who thought she found the perfect man, only to find out he was Mr Wrong all along; to say she is taking it hard is an understatement - she's so upset that she ends up cold and ashamed for being blindsided).
"Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light. But you crawled beneath my veins and now I don't care. I have no luck. I don't miss it all that much. There's just so many things that I can't touch. I'm torn... Illusion never changed into something real. I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel."
Still in the Eid mood - accompanied mum to visit Aunt Rose and Aunt Sofy today. My uncle from KL will visit mum tomorrow. And the extended family is planning a trip to Malaysia next weekend to complete the Eid visiting. Keenly aware of life's frailties, spending quality time with family becomes a necessity. Nonetheless, the mood and spirit of Eid celebration is somehow no longer the same with the passing of grams. We used to gather over the weekends in Ramadhan to break fast with grams. And the first day of Eid was always at grams' where the extended family would gather (close to 50 of us!). We would capture the moments in photographs. Still missing you after all these years, grams. My prayers for you, always ❤
Do you have a bucket list - things you hope to achieve in your lifetime and somehow you've lost sight of them, distracted by the mundane life routine, preoccupied with work? I recalled the scenes from the movie, "A Walk to Remember" (based on a true story) - how sweet Landon Carter helped his love, Jamie Sullivan (who was dying of leukemia), ticked off as many items from her bucket list.
I was relieved that Jamie came clean and informed Landon of her ailing health instead of keeping it a secret from him (especially him). She was honest in confessing that she was scared of not being with him (coz she loved him), "I do not need a reason to be angry with God (for making me feel this way about you, putting me in this predicament; there must be a reason for it)". And in the end she got her answer - that Landon was the 'miracle' in her bucket list (her 'angel' who helped her through all that she was going through)".
After her passing, Landon reminisced his time with her as he looked forlornly at the sunset smiling, "There are moments when I wished I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have a feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well. I miss her but our love is like the wind - I can't see it but will always feel it." That's life, you accept the good as well as the bad. Only then can you make the best of those moments and capture the memories for a lifetime. I'll end my post with the song, "Only Hope" sung by Mandy Moore (who played Jamie Sullivan in the movie) ❤
Spent time catching up and had a heart-to-heart talk at Y's today over a sumptuous meal (*aww* so sweet - she actually cooked instead of ordered in!). Entering her home again, I was reminded of the time I used to bunk at her place for a couple of weeks before my new home was ready (wonderful memories of the time we spent together). Only your close friends (wise beyond her years) would say it like it is (no mincing of words), which I deeply appreciated (I needed that). I'm instinctively reminded that, "Friends listen to what you say while best friends listen to what you don't say" (she knows me well; I'm 'an open book', she said). She was the one who introduced me to Integrated Body Therapy (IBT) and I'm benefitting much from the sessions. She knew what a determined girl I am and was confident that I would beat the cancer (keep the faith!). Thank you - I feel blessed for your love and support. I'll end my post with this poignant song, "Let Somebody Go" and an extract of its lyrics.
"All the storms we weathered, everything that we went through. Now, without you, what on earth am I to do? When I called the mathematicians and I asked them to explain. They said, 'Love is only equal to the pain'. And when everything was going wrong, you could turn my sorrow into song. Oh, it hurts like so, to let somebody go."
Call me silly but have you ever danced in the rain the first 10 minutes it started? Feel the wind caressing you? It is an exhilarating feeling (therapeutic as well)! The imagery of rain is that of mercy because after the rain, the sun will reappear and there will be life. Analogous to that, after the pain, there will be joy welcoming you around the corner. And love is like the air - you can't see it but you can feel it. So try it, take my hand and join me in the dance - if we cannot weather the rain, how can we brave the storm? And not all storms come to disrupt your life; some come to clear your path. I'll end my post with a poem and a song, "November Rain" ❤
"Be free - dance like nobody's watching. Be kind - love like you've never been hurt. Be true - sing like nobody's listening. Be real - live like you'll die tomorrow."
"The Best of Me", a movie adapted from a book by one of my favourite authors Nicholas Sparks, is a love story between Amanda and Dawson. It captured the enduring power of first true love, the elusive second chance (after fate kept them apart for years yet they never stopped loving each other), and the unexpected ending (what a tear-jerker!).
Tuck, the one who reunited them, wrote in his letter to Dawson (about the connection he saw between Dawson and Amanda), "There's a lot of magic between you two. Ain't no denying that. And magic makes forgetting hard."; In his letter to Amanda (and I love the imagery he used) Tuck said, "Pain has deep roots. The only way to dig it out is to forgive." Go watch the movie (I'm not about to spoil the plot for you!).
If I could write a book, story of my life, I wondered how the ending would be? Just a thought! Anyway, it has been awhile since I picked up a book by Nicholas Sparks. Might just get back to reading (food for the soul, fuel for the mind) again, a hobby I love since I could remember ❤
I'd love to make time to watch a re-run of Ally McBeal, just like I watched countless re-runs of Friends with the gals (can never get enough of it and the fond memories that came with it!). In essence, Ally's first love was Billy. After he died in Season 3, the only person Ally could love was Larry.
Unfortunately, life, true to its twists and turns, Larry had to be written off by the producers (due to a real life drama unfolding in Robert Downey Jr.'s life outside the series). Otherwise, by the end of Season 4, Ally and Larry would be married. And Season 5 would have chronicled their married life (Ally would have had her perfect ending in love).
Like Ally, the best of us live our life searching for "the one" and ultimately ended up preferring to be alone (as for Ally, she left the law firm in Boston for New York to take care of her child, a result of her egg donation in a fertility study; in real life, Calista Flockhart wanted to spend more quality time with her adopted son as he was growing up).
Searchin' my soul, written and sung by Vonda Shepard, was the theme song for Ally McBeal - love the catchy tune with meaningful and uplifting lyrics that many could relate to when faced with the ups and downs of life. I'll end my post with the song and an extract of its lyrics ❤
"I've been down this road walkin' the line that's painted by pride. And I have made mistakes in my life that I just can't hide. Oh I believe I am ready for what love has to bring. Got myself together, now I'm ready to sing. I've been searchin' my soul tonight. I know there's so much more to life. Now I know I can shine a light to find my way back home. One by one, the chains around me unwind. Every day now I feel that I can leave those years behind. Oh I've been thinking of you for a long time. There's a side of my life where I've been blind and so..."
Met up with D in between Eid visiting. "A smile is the best make up a lady could wear. Be confident in your own skin. You're naturally attractive like that!" Aww *melting*! And I should be gracious, "Thank you for the compliment, appreciate it".
Grateful for the pointers on further studies and working abroad. It is always wonderful catching up with old friends. It seemed like ages since we last met up. How time flies! I'm glad to hear you are doing great in life. So happy for you!
As for me, yup alone again, naturally. And we shall not even get started talking about 'standards' and how 'stubborn me' do not want to settle for anything less. It is just that now with the state of my fragile health (though it may not seem like it coz I look 'fine'), I am more cautious of entertaining any romantic advances out of consideration for the other party (I could not bear to break anyone's heart in the long run).
I hear you that it would be more fulfilling to take care of each other, come what may (suddenly the song, "Come what may" from Moulin Rouge started playing in my head, distracting me from the deep conversation we were having) - you only have one life so live it to the fullest and have a life story that both deserve (no regrets). Perhaps, like you said, "Only the brave would have the courage to take the plunge and have a go at it". I do not know what lies ahead but all I can say for now is, "We'll see how my life story will unfold". We will keep in touch, I promise! I shall end my post with the song, "Alone again, naturally" and an extract of its lyrics ❤
"It seems to me that there are more hearts broken in the world that can't be mended. Left unattended. What do we do? What do we do? Alone again, naturally."
Today will be a short post. Now is not the right time to drop everything and fly to Dubai for work opportunity. I need to focus on getting my health back in order and my heart healed. What is meant to be yours will not escape you. When one door closes, another opens. Speaking of which, I need to complete the aptitude test sent by a prospective employer. Wish me luck!
I was touched when H flew in from Brisbane, Australia and took the time in between her busy schedule to see me, thank you (your presence means so much to me despite us knowing each other just recently)! We shared stories about family members who lost the fight due to cancer. She was determined for me to fight it. Oh who could resist the offer/invite? Would love to settle down (“retire”, she says) in Australia like she did – just chill and heal (hehe that rhymes!) ❤
After H left, I was reminded of the characters of Ally McBeal and Larry Paul from Ally McBeal (Season 4-5), a legal comedy drama well written by David E. Kelly. Despite their imperfections and idiosyncrasies (behaviour or way of thought peculiar to an individual), they are genuinely perfect for each other (albeit their brief time together). I’ll end my post with this nice song and an extract of its lyrics.
"I remember clearly how you looked the night we met. I recall your laughter and your smile. I remember how you made me feel so at ease. I remember all your grace and your style. And now you're all I long to see. You've come to mean so much to me."
P.S.: Instinctively wondering how 'Iron Man' is doing…
The CT scan results showed that whatever I have been doing worked (alhamdulilLah)! I am still in awe at how doors were opened and the love and support I received from those close to me, and even from those I barely knew (who were divinely present as I was finding my way towards healing naturally). I could not thank God enough for His miracles and permitting me to live yet another day (every day is a blessing!).
I felt relieved but also cognizant that the fight is not over yet (I am not out of the woods yet!) – I must continue to keep at the program I’ve been prescribed to truly heal 100%. Thank you, best friend, for your words of encouragement. It came at a time when I needed the one person who knew me so well to tell me that I can do this. I’ll end my post with a profound poem – One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII by Pablo Neruda (about love that is strong despite the loss) and an extract of it from the movie, Patch Adams ❤.
"I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz, or arrow of carnations that propagate fire; I love you as one loves certain obscure things, secretly, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself, and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose from the earth lives dimly in my body. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly without complexity or pride; I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love than this, where 'I' does not exist nor 'you', so close that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep (we are one)."
Life Mantras - Live like there's no tomorrow, love like you've never been hurt and work like you don't need the money... Let your love be stronger than your hatred and anger. Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break... The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
